it is a wonderfully rare day where i am at a loss for words and feelings.

i spend so long with myself that i feel as if i intimately know my axioms like no one else does, and it's quite exciting to stumble across an unsolved mystery. something about the idea of clicking a fresh papermate inkjoy gel 0.7 (the only pen, by the way) and sitting down at a new piece of graph paper to attempt a new proof is.. exhilarating.

but it's also seismically frightening. this is quite clear to me. to stand in front of the board of directors of myself and propose that we don't actually know what we thought we know, with my buttonup disheveledly tucked into my hands my hair tussled by the sweet fingers of sleep's absence, the creased papers in my hands scrawled with purethought and new scar tissue in my mouth from the side effects of a long good think, is inherently terrifying and beautiful to me.

and the secondary thing that's so touchy about this particular subject is implication. implicit differentiation if you will. as a top, i'm quite obiously y but my little x- actually, wait, no, the top would be x. but that doesn't sound right so let's pretend that it's x as a function of y in this scope ( x(y) for all my visual learners) . sorry, i'm just attached to the feeling of y in my mouth as a namesake. i digress. as a top, i'm y but my darling x is inherently involved in this proof as well. and to uncover information about a secondary variable has so much more room for calculation error. imagine if every matrix was one dimensional. things would be so lifeless but infinitely easier.

all this to say. if anyone had read the previous entry, god forbid, you saw an very, very rare event. the realness of an angel entangled in a fallacy. his little wings snagged in its whorls, his head spinning and mind racing. but i've reestablished myself, let myself luxuriate in the embrace after burning the light of my mind so bright it caused a small explosion.

the reality of the situation is that i have just begun a study on a new subject. i have just enrolled in a new class, just taken my first step outside into the air with a new quarter on the tip of my tongue and the weightlessness of beginnings in front of me. this class in question is a lab, one that people often overlook. " simplicity analysis 241. " there is no professor. i look forward to learning much and developing a thesis for my eventual dissertation and proof.