what do i even write about anymore lole. uh i dunno man honestly i started this post because i was like damn i haven't written anything in a while. i guess you get to see a tired angel. i've been tired for a long time i think. just haven't acknowledged it. i have a lot of holes in me and they aren't being filled in they just keep getting bigger and there's more of them. i don't know how to stop it. well, actually, that's a bit of a lie. i know why they're there, who put them there, when they started, etc. etc. this isn't a very good post, i'm sorry. i'd like to say i'm sorry about a lot of things but i think that would be a lie. i'm just sorry that things didn't turn out the way i wanted, in a selfish way. is it a selfish way when what you want isn't really for you but for someone else? i ache a lot. and pulse. i feel very grounded. i used to be able to fly, now i don't think i can anymore. i don't even think i should post this so i won't.