i miss hope. what a cruel thing for an angel to have to write. those three words hold so much wear. so much weeping. i miss hope.

what is hope, to an angel? we don't really need to hope, it's in our blood. as a guardian angel, hope is all i know. i hope for the future, i hope for my charge, i hope i hope i hope. but now... it's gone. well, more accurate to say that we're long distance. hah. the irony in that isn't lost on me. hope held my hand and kissed me once but not just before he left, maybe 3 or 4 days before. i saw him and he looked at me and i looked at him and i stood by his car door but he had already gotten in the driver's seat on the other side of me and i couldn't kiss him. and then he was gone. and i guess he'll be back.

i don't know what hope is, to an angel. i think i'm maybe supposed to. maybe i missed that day in orientation. probably was too busy ogling the gods milling about outside or some cute vector. maybe if i knew what he was he wouldn't have left. and maybe i could have protected him better. i miss hope.

where is hope? how is he? is he eating well? has he found a new lover? ... maybe i didn't deserve him. or maybe i deserve him more now. i don't know where he is.

what were hope's wounds like, to an angel? he looked the worst i'd ever seen him that night. stardust bruises ringed with constellations and galaxies spilled across his skin. we patched each other up; i, his wounds, he, mine. i couldn't save him like he saved me. ... and he left. and i don't know where he is. and i don't know what he is. i miss him.

i miss hope.