seperated this from my overall barbie post because there is something delicious about ken's character that i needed to write about. i need to peel him like a small clementine, hold him in my hands like a baby bird unable to break from the rest of its eggshell, feel him flutter like a drenched monarch: soaked wings too weak to fly. ok obviously i'm a little insane about him.

one of the reasons i'm a little insane is that i feel like people don't write him very well. there is something so... truly unique about ryan gosling's interpretation of this doll, his desires, his motivation, his presence, that is very very different from any role i've seen someone play as. i don't describe characters as pathetic ever and i do think that ken is pathetic in the cleanest, sultriest sense of the word. god actually where do i even begin i have so many thoughts LOL.

first i was just thinking about him as a concept, trying to cut through the OOC writings+art i had seen and really concretely place him in my mind correctly. this is one of my first writings after i had seen the movie.

Ken is pathetic in the sense that he is so incredibly sensitive to love that his nerve endings are on fire, he feels every touch, every gaze, every modicum of affection, like a world ending gesture. I ask to cut his hangnail and he rockets into subspace so hard that all his doll blood (glitter glue) rushes into his head, turning his cheeks bright sparkly pink and he faints from the mere notion of it. He is the cleanest slate in the universe and it is depressing and uniquely magical at the same time; no one has ever shown him anything so he experiences it all much larger than life.

i think really what would fix me is just writing good sex about him but i feel like i need to wait a little for that; besides, there's one kink to iron out before i can actually embark on the story i would want to tell. it's interesting because people are so quick to jump to human sex with him (for obvious reasons, not limited to people having kind of boring imaginations) but i think he's the perfect playground to abstract sex and explore hypersex/ a higher level of understanding sex. sevenmeds has a lot of great foundation for me to work with; their idea of his "nullity" is key to understanding how to sexualise him correctly, as well as his inherent pathetic-ness.

truly his patheticness (patheticism?) is what draws me to him. it reminds me of what i love about my lovers but intensified and concentrated. every sensation is new to him forever and he knows nothing about everything. endless capacity for pleasure as well as the perfect mold to reciprocate that pleasure; in essence, the perfect submissive. i strongly believe that his reactions are every bit as alluring as his actions. there's a sex appeal to him serving but i think it's lesser than his commitment to show what he feels. all this to say that i think he would probably black out from learning what a hickey is. as a slight digression, i realize this esssay is less of an essay and more of a poem LOL. a collection of thoughts, if you will. i'll trim it somehow... but i think if ken were writing he would just slosh a steady stream of words onto the page, punctuation falling secondhand to unconscious thought. also he would use way too many heart emojis after everything probably.

in a completely different direction (since i'll just lean into the collection of thoughts instead of consistent essay), one thing i mulled over for a while is textures. after all, i like to have my details in place before i fantasize too hard. the blend between human like doll and doll like human is very enticing, and i think my ken (as well as the self of mine that interacts with him) falls under the former category. as an engineer, i know a lot of different materials which are all sexual and exciting in their own way but i think we would both be silicon over a hard internal core. that opens up a lot of customization for different dolls (and fun body mods!) as well as encapsulating a unique sense of wear for the bodies. it can rip, tear, be slashed etc. and would result in dolls having humanesque texture variation depending on their lives. its also quite simple to insert sexuality into the bodies and the sex toy parallels are amusing to me as well hehe

the core storyline i tinker with in my brain goes something like this. ken pretty much knows nothing. we all know that. he really got into horses for a second though that was pretty epic. but he's not exactly the type to win a nobel prize. being an engineer, i know lots of things as well as how to learn them. so i would very much like to, before anything else, try to help him find things that he can learn about. the idea of finding him an adjective / signifier (explorer, diver, librarian, brash, etc.) is very intimate to me. i'd like to think that he becomes geologist ken in my head (beach --> sand --> rocks). that's very important to me before thinking about sexualizing him for some reason. it seems wrong to have him solely be an object of desire (or, at least, maybe as an angel it feels wrong to me).

after that though is where i spend most of my time. it's interesting to think about how far i could push him, how outlandish the reactions i can dream up. this is actually where i get kind of stuck because i legitimately couldn't find an escalation that would fit him. i might just have to go into R4 or something because that's about as crazy as i can conceptualize feelings (that was math pulling me in there anyway, i didn't even go by my own volition). i'll probably chip away at it but that's definitely the roadblock. he's just so over the top that the ways he would express pleasure would be inhuman at a point. it's a good exercise in learning imaginary lovers either way. i do quite enjoy the visuals of blood circulating much closer to his surface turning his silicon skin super saturated colors all over his body, and i like the idea of him losing consciousness as well, that seems dramatic enough for him. it's actually a bit tiring trying to write for him because i do think that he would consistently never get used to any feeling (or it would take an INCREDIBLE amount of time for sensations to lose their shine for him) so, again, escalation is really the hardest thing. ok well you made it this far so let me put on my insane gay person hat and write some doll sex real quick.

ok also one other thing i just watched the kenssentials video and wow ken is so sad .? i wanna talk about this more in terms of just like the Movie post ill write bc its not so much about ken but. why is he so sad he can be pathetic without sad why doesn't he get to have anything ever ...... he sounds like so sad all the time talking about how hes definitely ok with always having nothing but . i feel like him mentioning it so much just makes him sad not ok with it LOL

ok actually i went insane a bit and wrote a tiny thing (wow first fanfic i've ever written. i guess. feels kind of awful let's not call it that LOL.) so that's linked... here --> don't look at me im gay.

love you all darlings hope you enjoyed whatever this was.