12.18.2024
man i . kind of can't wait to quit being a fake ass engineer. i hate that the word engineer means what it means apparently. or everyone is gaslighting. engineers are supposed to be people who primarily solve problems who spend their days working on exciting new research and testing and retesting things and staying up late and mussed up hair from falling asleep at your desk and that glorious euphoria when you finally get the system working. not doing calculations that computers are programmed to do, or typing numbers into calculators, or actually even analyzing a stress state and saying what stresses are there. because that's stupid that's easy. literally computers can do that. at least we should be making programs to do all this stuff for us because it's so laughably straightforward that it's actually crazy to me. sigh. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. sigh. i can't wait to get out and start redefining what it means to be an engineer. to help people find joy in using math and physics to solve their problems and realize that you can just learn the theory and then use tools that do all the equations for you. cause you don't need to waste your life doing what a computer can do in 3 clock cycles. anyway im on 2 pumps of tgel now and i think im expericiing """the mood swings""" so grain of salt. im just depressed mwah mwah ^3^
man i . kind of can't wait to quit being a fake ass engineer. i hate that the word engineer means what it means apparently. or everyone is gaslighting. engineers are supposed to be people who primarily solve problems who spend their days working on exciting new research and testing and retesting things and staying up late and mussed up hair from falling asleep at your desk and that glorious euphoria when you finally get the system working. not doing calculations that computers are programmed to do, or typing numbers into calculators, or actually even analyzing a stress state and saying what stresses are there. because that's stupid that's easy. literally computers can do that. at least we should be making programs to do all this stuff for us because it's so laughably straightforward that it's actually crazy to me. sigh. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. sigh. i can't wait to get out and start redefining what it means to be an engineer. to help people find joy in using math and physics to solve their problems and realize that you can just learn the theory and then use tools that do all the equations for you. cause you don't need to waste your life doing what a computer can do in 3 clock cycles. anyway im on 2 pumps of tgel now and i think im expericiing """the mood swings""" so grain of salt. im just depressed mwah mwah ^3^
12.12.2024
ahhhh finals are over, my godot project is going really well, and i'm gonna get this sticker binder from oddrabbits later today !! ^u^ it's so prettyyyyy i'm so excited to have a place to put all my stickers ... and since i've been putting them in my journal im much more excited about stickers as well :3 i wish i had more stuff 2 decorate physically (tiezhi isn't real yet) but it's cute to be able to put relevant ones in my journal uwa!!
ahhhh finals are over, my godot project is going really well, and i'm gonna get this sticker binder from oddrabbits later today !! ^u^ it's so prettyyyyy i'm so excited to have a place to put all my stickers ... and since i've been putting them in my journal im much more excited about stickers as well :3 i wish i had more stuff 2 decorate physically (tiezhi isn't real yet) but it's cute to be able to put relevant ones in my journal uwa!!
12.10.2024
starting my first phenomena exploration in godot ... i wish there was a job for like. making engineering level softwares in VR & having them be so cute and fun. why does this not exist (well i guess that's why i'm making it LUL). starting out easy with rotational dynamics, just some simple relative velocity stuff & acceleration, then i'll work my way up to applying torques! (but i'll probably back moments out first then do the torque applications cause i gotta do diff eq for that argh)
starting my first phenomena exploration in godot ... i wish there was a job for like. making engineering level softwares in VR & having them be so cute and fun. why does this not exist (well i guess that's why i'm making it LUL). starting out easy with rotational dynamics, just some simple relative velocity stuff & acceleration, then i'll work my way up to applying torques! (but i'll probably back moments out first then do the torque applications cause i gotta do diff eq for that argh)
11.30.2024
kitty update....... bro got in another fight and had two fresh ass wounds last night ToT let him sit on my lap and bleed lol.... i think we're gonna try and talk to his owners to see if they can take him to the vet cause 10000% he is not having a good time :((( but also im worried if its a recurring thing then the issue will still persist either way T_T ugh i wish i could steal him ...! !
kitty update....... bro got in another fight and had two fresh ass wounds last night ToT let him sit on my lap and bleed lol.... i think we're gonna try and talk to his owners to see if they can take him to the vet cause 10000% he is not having a good time :((( but also im worried if its a recurring thing then the issue will still persist either way T_T ugh i wish i could steal him ...! !
11.28.2024
had a very lovely time with my friend making dumplings tonight ^_^ helped visit an outdoor cat who her bf is taking care of 0_0 (so normal about cats) poor guy has a bite on his tail :((( it's apparently been there for a while but arrgh... god it sucks. his owner isn't a good owner and doesn't take care of him so these guys are helping out but like . guys please just keep your cats indoors and also be good people to ur pets if ur gonna get a pet ... this isn't even That bad of a thing to happen to an outdoor cat but it still breaks my heart hes just a little guy he likes sitting on our laps . sniffles.
had a very lovely time with my friend making dumplings tonight ^_^ helped visit an outdoor cat who her bf is taking care of 0_0 (so normal about cats) poor guy has a bite on his tail :((( it's apparently been there for a while but arrgh... god it sucks. his owner isn't a good owner and doesn't take care of him so these guys are helping out but like . guys please just keep your cats indoors and also be good people to ur pets if ur gonna get a pet ... this isn't even That bad of a thing to happen to an outdoor cat but it still breaks my heart hes just a little guy he likes sitting on our laps . sniffles.
11.23.2024
sniffles ... followed a friends priv twt and omg he said such cute lil things about me b4 we were friedns UGH all of the love in my heart . i do not write on twitter but if he ever sees this bro ur featured in my jorunal so much around the time we started talking (affectionate ofc) the world is just so kind wtf . i love my friends it makes me feel so warm and cozy that i exist pleasantly in peoples minds and i hope that he knows he is so loved in my brain as well ! ! !
sniffles ... followed a friends priv twt and omg he said such cute lil things about me b4 we were friedns UGH all of the love in my heart . i do not write on twitter but if he ever sees this bro ur featured in my jorunal so much around the time we started talking (affectionate ofc) the world is just so kind wtf . i love my friends it makes me feel so warm and cozy that i exist pleasantly in peoples minds and i hope that he knows he is so loved in my brain as well ! ! !
11.21.2024
maybe it's finally time to fully update my homepage.... idk teehee smiles cutely. i love the sunshine but lately i feel like curling up by a hearth with my tail wrapped around me.. or a sooty summer festival at night when you get a sip of cold wind that cuts through the heat .... much to think about . i think i just miss being warm LUL
maybe it's finally time to fully update my homepage.... idk teehee smiles cutely. i love the sunshine but lately i feel like curling up by a hearth with my tail wrapped around me.. or a sooty summer festival at night when you get a sip of cold wind that cuts through the heat .... much to think about . i think i just miss being warm LUL
11.7.2024
my friends are fueling my hadestown addiction its soooooo comfy to get to be back into a theater something :3 i just love theater and i wanna be orpheus so bad and its just such a pretty show... gonna try and draw math n me as orph & eury but i dont have time GRHRGHRHGR fuck problem sets i should get to draw myself and my tulpa busting it down lookingback style
my friends are fueling my hadestown addiction its soooooo comfy to get to be back into a theater something :3 i just love theater and i wanna be orpheus so bad and its just such a pretty show... gonna try and draw math n me as orph & eury but i dont have time GRHRGHRHGR fuck problem sets i should get to draw myself and my tulpa busting it down lookingback style
11.6.2024
got to watch hadestown live . i am now unfortunately thinking very sinful things about parallels between tunshi and orpheus . someone's gotta stop the pattern recognition bro........ it was rlly good, i specifically didn't watch the end before bc i was like "oh i should watch this when i can really appreciate it" and then i kept putting it off then i bought tickets so i didn't want to watch it and it def heightened the experience. i will say i've watched a bootleg version and i think i liked the vibes of that one a lot more (reeve is very very much my fav & also just seeing the close up expressions made everything feel real, as well as the theater that one was in had you looking down on the show instead of the one i saw where you looked up more & it felt like intimate in a way) but it was. it was rlly nice to see i rlly like watching shows TuT
got to watch hadestown live . i am now unfortunately thinking very sinful things about parallels between tunshi and orpheus . someone's gotta stop the pattern recognition bro........ it was rlly good, i specifically didn't watch the end before bc i was like "oh i should watch this when i can really appreciate it" and then i kept putting it off then i bought tickets so i didn't want to watch it and it def heightened the experience. i will say i've watched a bootleg version and i think i liked the vibes of that one a lot more (reeve is very very much my fav & also just seeing the close up expressions made everything feel real, as well as the theater that one was in had you looking down on the show instead of the one i saw where you looked up more & it felt like intimate in a way) but it was. it was rlly nice to see i rlly like watching shows TuT
10.16.2024
i might have... caved and started writing a sanzo fic ..... O_O might be posting here shishishi I WANT IT TO BE REALLY LONG THOUGH BC im always sad when there's a horndog fic i like but i read it in two seconds so i'm trying to bring my insane prose style into it a bit teehee
i might have... caved and started writing a sanzo fic ..... O_O might be posting here shishishi I WANT IT TO BE REALLY LONG THOUGH BC im always sad when there's a horndog fic i like but i read it in two seconds so i'm trying to bring my insane prose style into it a bit teehee
9.26.2024
literally thought it was impossible to be worse than one of my profs but then the guy today came in swinging with EVEN WORSE LECTURES. HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP GETTING TO TEACH ? head in my hands. im going to commit to github bro this is crazy. get me out of here i need to do industrial design more than anything in my whole life. the worst part is like i talked to a random guy in my class and it sounds like he wants to design engineering too (like car design) AND BRUH ? THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN HAVE THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT THEY REALLY WANT I FEEL SO SHIT ..... at least i've actually taken classes and have a portfolio T_T
literally thought it was impossible to be worse than one of my profs but then the guy today came in swinging with EVEN WORSE LECTURES. HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP GETTING TO TEACH ? head in my hands. im going to commit to github bro this is crazy. get me out of here i need to do industrial design more than anything in my whole life. the worst part is like i talked to a random guy in my class and it sounds like he wants to design engineering too (like car design) AND BRUH ? THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN HAVE THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT THEY REALLY WANT I FEEL SO SHIT ..... at least i've actually taken classes and have a portfolio T_T
9.10.2024
probably going to make a yt video on this bc i can't find any actually good ones on fusion -> blender workflow but putting my thoughts here rn bc i just got this thing to sort of work and fuuuuck i need to write it down. ok so wrt joints. moving things is not like in fusion its not going to be anything sweet and lovely like fusion. everything you want to move is going to have to be moved by hand (ie. along an axis) and you can't do anything about that. blender is gonna try and be like "omg do you want to limit motion around this axis or this axis" NOPE! IT'S LYING. well, it's not exactly lying. the limitation comes into play with IK constraints. yup, you have to make a rig for that fucker. there isn't a way to just add constraints, you need bones and ik. lol even.
setting up your model -
to set up your model, i highly recc trying to create the rig roughly before you start to do it with real parameters! you want to make a bone between each joint, and at any joints where you're going to be moving (or keeping them in place), you'll also need a bone. those "keep in place" bones actually don't need to be connected to the armature, you'll be IKing them later (or you can do them as parents, either works).
making the rig -
to make the rig, first start by finding any joints that won't be moving, or their movement is constrained to an axis. i like to lock the bones in place in edit mode that won't be moving just so i don't accidentally move them. go into pose mode and select the ones that you want to constrain, then under the bone properties menu, click lock ik x y or z to lock it in place. this means that other bones won't be able to move it around! now you'll want to deal with your bones that are constrained by other bones. you can constrain a bone one of two ways, 1) by extruding it from another bone (this means that its location & rotation will be changed by moving its parent bone) or 2) by IK target at a bone. by connecting your bones through parents & the other end with IKs, you should be able to properly constrain its motion! :D
TL;DR: Bones that are IK locked won't move unless you want them to, so use those to set up your system, then connect the rest of the assembly by parenting and IK constraints. I'm definitely gonna make a video on this OMEGALUL
probably going to make a yt video on this bc i can't find any actually good ones on fusion -> blender workflow but putting my thoughts here rn bc i just got this thing to sort of work and fuuuuck i need to write it down. ok so wrt joints. moving things is not like in fusion its not going to be anything sweet and lovely like fusion. everything you want to move is going to have to be moved by hand (ie. along an axis) and you can't do anything about that. blender is gonna try and be like "omg do you want to limit motion around this axis or this axis" NOPE! IT'S LYING. well, it's not exactly lying. the limitation comes into play with IK constraints. yup, you have to make a rig for that fucker. there isn't a way to just add constraints, you need bones and ik. lol even.
setting up your model -
to set up your model, i highly recc trying to create the rig roughly before you start to do it with real parameters! you want to make a bone between each joint, and at any joints where you're going to be moving (or keeping them in place), you'll also need a bone. those "keep in place" bones actually don't need to be connected to the armature, you'll be IKing them later (or you can do them as parents, either works).
making the rig -
to make the rig, first start by finding any joints that won't be moving, or their movement is constrained to an axis. i like to lock the bones in place in edit mode that won't be moving just so i don't accidentally move them. go into pose mode and select the ones that you want to constrain, then under the bone properties menu, click lock ik x y or z to lock it in place. this means that other bones won't be able to move it around! now you'll want to deal with your bones that are constrained by other bones. you can constrain a bone one of two ways, 1) by extruding it from another bone (this means that its location & rotation will be changed by moving its parent bone) or 2) by IK target at a bone. by connecting your bones through parents & the other end with IKs, you should be able to properly constrain its motion! :D
TL;DR: Bones that are IK locked won't move unless you want them to, so use those to set up your system, then connect the rest of the assembly by parenting and IK constraints. I'm definitely gonna make a video on this OMEGALUL
9.9.2024
been feeling very clogged lately. kind of everything is clogged up. my sinuses definitely don't help that. i miss making art but also i don't because there's no real reason for me to make art just to MAKE art yk and i've been drawing & creating so it's not like i'm not doing stuff, i'm just not doing illustration. i don't like making pieces out of negative feelings i think (or, well, uh. mundane negative feelings). i've been pushing too hard again and my brain is slowing down. i think i need a crop rotation or something but literally all i have to do is my portfolio rn and it's choking out my fields. but i gotta get it done soooooooo... sigh. siiiiiighhhhh.... had a bad stream today too i really should just take a hiatus but now i've promised things arrrghhh -3- never promise stuff. lol! once i get my hair cut the world will look so vibrant and beautiful. just like 3 more days of hell & grinding then i can be shorn like a sheep fucking FINALLLYYYY
wow and cohost is shutting down. insanely bad vibes today i really just feel like shit lol
been feeling very clogged lately. kind of everything is clogged up. my sinuses definitely don't help that. i miss making art but also i don't because there's no real reason for me to make art just to MAKE art yk and i've been drawing & creating so it's not like i'm not doing stuff, i'm just not doing illustration. i don't like making pieces out of negative feelings i think (or, well, uh. mundane negative feelings). i've been pushing too hard again and my brain is slowing down. i think i need a crop rotation or something but literally all i have to do is my portfolio rn and it's choking out my fields. but i gotta get it done soooooooo... sigh. siiiiiighhhhh.... had a bad stream today too i really should just take a hiatus but now i've promised things arrrghhh -3- never promise stuff. lol! once i get my hair cut the world will look so vibrant and beautiful. just like 3 more days of hell & grinding then i can be shorn like a sheep fucking FINALLLYYYY
wow and cohost is shutting down. insanely bad vibes today i really just feel like shit lol
9.4.2024
randomly a bunch of videos are coming up for me on youtube about burnout with artists and or youtubers and i just don't get it. well i mean i do get it. some burnouts are unavaoidable. your job works you too hard, you're not in a good place mentally, etc. but that's not really the kind of burnout these people are describing. they're burned out by (what most people say) ""the algorithm"". which also i get, like that's normal. ofc if you have an unknown entity dictating your work then that sucks and you'll burn out. but the weird thing is like? they are literally creating this for themselves? there was this storytime youtuber who was like "i cant keep doing this for my whole life" and i was like well why are you doing it in the first place then? it just seems like people are not accepting the fact that they're manufacturing content for an audience and not themselves. i do that to, everyone has to do that to some extent, but you have to acknowledge that and see it, otherwise you're just lying to yourself. i don't understand why they don't just do... ? ok this is gonna sound crazy but like Real Art. i feel like i see these artists doing this stuff and i'm like youlook so much happier and enjoy yourself more when you do real art why don't you just do it. it's not like people don't watch content about Real Art, applecheeks does quite a bit of real art and i like her content a lot more now that she's doing stuff that's authentic and explorative... maybe people just don't have the courage for it or something. i get not wanting to lose money or your rent or food or anything but ... idk i just can't imagine a world where i'm not doing what i want to do in some way. i would just hate everything so much and life wouldn't be fun to live. weird.
randomly a bunch of videos are coming up for me on youtube about burnout with artists and or youtubers and i just don't get it. well i mean i do get it. some burnouts are unavaoidable. your job works you too hard, you're not in a good place mentally, etc. but that's not really the kind of burnout these people are describing. they're burned out by (what most people say) ""the algorithm"". which also i get, like that's normal. ofc if you have an unknown entity dictating your work then that sucks and you'll burn out. but the weird thing is like? they are literally creating this for themselves? there was this storytime youtuber who was like "i cant keep doing this for my whole life" and i was like well why are you doing it in the first place then? it just seems like people are not accepting the fact that they're manufacturing content for an audience and not themselves. i do that to, everyone has to do that to some extent, but you have to acknowledge that and see it, otherwise you're just lying to yourself. i don't understand why they don't just do... ? ok this is gonna sound crazy but like Real Art. i feel like i see these artists doing this stuff and i'm like youlook so much happier and enjoy yourself more when you do real art why don't you just do it. it's not like people don't watch content about Real Art, applecheeks does quite a bit of real art and i like her content a lot more now that she's doing stuff that's authentic and explorative... maybe people just don't have the courage for it or something. i get not wanting to lose money or your rent or food or anything but ... idk i just can't imagine a world where i'm not doing what i want to do in some way. i would just hate everything so much and life wouldn't be fun to live. weird.
8.30.2024
i have invented a new level of running on fumes. im running on atomized mist in the air man. anyway if you wanna check out my monthly playlists i thought i'd link em here ^_^ i have listened to them. too much ugh i always do this HAH if anyone has reccs for the last day of aug pleeeasseee lmk so i can get new shit for next month!
june - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6DcWaEWdVIw5oALM34ALuh?si=46fdaf9c2682479c
july - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bDddbjv5tGanq09X55Z6n?si=04193ad498024a97
august - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nhJd1gmLWMmAOuw6YYvRP?si=0f0b5bbfed454e13
also if you have sanji themed songs hmu . his playlist has too much saint motel on it because they really write a lot of sanji songs but i dont like repeat bands on character playlists grrrr....
OH also also. snarls slyly . i wanna make more shrine comps and other stuff but i have to work UGHHHHH the world hates a handsome boy like me. ill probs post my portfolio here though if y'all want to see, i guess i have to make two (one for design and one for art heh) bluh. doing so much stuff i gotta like. jork myself outta stress designing chairs in my dreams OMEGALUL
adding a small ps here just so i can bump the update on the page because i updated a secret hidden page i didn't want people to see. winky face.
i have invented a new level of running on fumes. im running on atomized mist in the air man. anyway if you wanna check out my monthly playlists i thought i'd link em here ^_^ i have listened to them. too much ugh i always do this HAH if anyone has reccs for the last day of aug pleeeasseee lmk so i can get new shit for next month!
june - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6DcWaEWdVIw5oALM34ALuh?si=46fdaf9c2682479c
july - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bDddbjv5tGanq09X55Z6n?si=04193ad498024a97
august - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nhJd1gmLWMmAOuw6YYvRP?si=0f0b5bbfed454e13
also if you have sanji themed songs hmu . his playlist has too much saint motel on it because they really write a lot of sanji songs but i dont like repeat bands on character playlists grrrr....
OH also also. snarls slyly . i wanna make more shrine comps and other stuff but i have to work UGHHHHH the world hates a handsome boy like me. ill probs post my portfolio here though if y'all want to see, i guess i have to make two (one for design and one for art heh) bluh. doing so much stuff i gotta like. jork myself outta stress designing chairs in my dreams OMEGALUL
adding a small ps here just so i can bump the update on the page because i updated a secret hidden page i didn't want people to see. winky face.
8.28.2024
guh i have two terrifying projects looming over me (my beloved lion) (my design portfolio) how tf do people just Do Things (says the Do-er)
guh i have two terrifying projects looming over me (my beloved lion) (my design portfolio) how tf do people just Do Things (says the Do-er)
8.11.2024
i could write a longer post about it but im tired its only 10am. my work isn't made for kids but i'm never gonna be like "kids don't follow me" (for my art accts) i feel like its so weird. like.? ok if you post nsfw yes ofc no minors this isn't about that but like ?? saying you don't want kids to interact with your work or see it like ? wh. what does that bring you. do you not want people to be inspired by you do you not want to exist as a person & a collection of experiences to the whole world not just adults? maybe this is bc i read gender outlaws when i was in middle school and it was definitely an "adult focused" book or w/e but that literally changed my life and i'm so glad i could read it? shrugs. kids are just lil dudes trying to figure out the world too we should support their curiousity and give them new perspectives on the world . ...
i could write a longer post about it but im tired its only 10am. my work isn't made for kids but i'm never gonna be like "kids don't follow me" (for my art accts) i feel like its so weird. like.? ok if you post nsfw yes ofc no minors this isn't about that but like ?? saying you don't want kids to interact with your work or see it like ? wh. what does that bring you. do you not want people to be inspired by you do you not want to exist as a person & a collection of experiences to the whole world not just adults? maybe this is bc i read gender outlaws when i was in middle school and it was definitely an "adult focused" book or w/e but that literally changed my life and i'm so glad i could read it? shrugs. kids are just lil dudes trying to figure out the world too we should support their curiousity and give them new perspectives on the world . ...
8.2.2024
i never thought i was objectum or anything just like a weird guy but holy shit i think i might have to reconsider that. this bellows im designing is so fucking sexy im like drooling over it how do people NOT love objects theyre so ? sensual ????? ggghhhhh walnut & brass . killing me . i did this to myself holy shiiiiiiit
i never thought i was objectum or anything just like a weird guy but holy shit i think i might have to reconsider that. this bellows im designing is so fucking sexy im like drooling over it how do people NOT love objects theyre so ? sensual ????? ggghhhhh walnut & brass . killing me . i did this to myself holy shiiiiiiit
7.18.2024
my heart is full to bursting with ideas and love and light and i don't know why eerything has to hurt so much. i hate it because i sound like a mob psycho villian thinking i'm special when i know there are other creative people who also are engineers like me but i haven't met any and i'm in my teru pre-meeting mob spiral but i see it so i'm not really teru like teru was. it just hurts and i want to like what i'm doing and not be so tired all the time. i always have to write emails and fix problems and it doesn't feel like people see it? sniffles. i would like a nakama.
my heart is full to bursting with ideas and love and light and i don't know why eerything has to hurt so much. i hate it because i sound like a mob psycho villian thinking i'm special when i know there are other creative people who also are engineers like me but i haven't met any and i'm in my teru pre-meeting mob spiral but i see it so i'm not really teru like teru was. it just hurts and i want to like what i'm doing and not be so tired all the time. i always have to write emails and fix problems and it doesn't feel like people see it? sniffles. i would like a nakama.
6.27.2024
life is lonely when you paradoxically live in the space of 'guy who does everything for people' and 'guy who doesn't get acknowledged in any consistant way' and 'guy who wants to stop being used but being used is the only way he's around people'
life is lonely when you paradoxically live in the space of 'guy who does everything for people' and 'guy who doesn't get acknowledged in any consistant way' and 'guy who wants to stop being used but being used is the only way he's around people'
6.25.2024
been messing around with the idea of a designworld of sorts? a place for all my concepts to live & thrive, as well as a place for my more otherworldly designs to be used... i think i'm going to set testimonial (my indie animated film for next year) in a section of that world. i wonder if anyone would be interested in the design side! i've done some room concepts, as well as a storage system and a universal key already... the main constraint is that the denizens (they're called denizens, at least in testimonial) have shifted as a species to cut the chaff design-wise, unlike humanity. they strive to find the most useful & effective designs with the most features. they have a couple different brands, but generally there's not a lot of repeats between them (and people don't mind, since the designs are very customizable and DIY is encouraged for self-expression). it's fun stuff, i quite like it !
been messing around with the idea of a designworld of sorts? a place for all my concepts to live & thrive, as well as a place for my more otherworldly designs to be used... i think i'm going to set testimonial (my indie animated film for next year) in a section of that world. i wonder if anyone would be interested in the design side! i've done some room concepts, as well as a storage system and a universal key already... the main constraint is that the denizens (they're called denizens, at least in testimonial) have shifted as a species to cut the chaff design-wise, unlike humanity. they strive to find the most useful & effective designs with the most features. they have a couple different brands, but generally there's not a lot of repeats between them (and people don't mind, since the designs are very customizable and DIY is encouraged for self-expression). it's fun stuff, i quite like it !
6.10.2024
first exam in a half an hour... linear analysis 2. last math class required for my degree. kind of depressing but i can't think about that rn. excited for my summer design courses :o) hope i can post some designs i do from that on here (if theyre fun/ good heh).
first exam in a half an hour... linear analysis 2. last math class required for my degree. kind of depressing but i can't think about that rn. excited for my summer design courses :o) hope i can post some designs i do from that on here (if theyre fun/ good heh).
5.24.2024
making the official executive decision to stop all team projects i have or want to start. it's sickening but like every time i rely on another person ever i'm completely stranded and there's nothing i can do about that. also going to quit stuff that i think is dumb or a waste of my time.
making the official executive decision to stop all team projects i have or want to start. it's sickening but like every time i rely on another person ever i'm completely stranded and there's nothing i can do about that. also going to quit stuff that i think is dumb or a waste of my time.
5.9.2024
well yeah. shit really did happen. thanks life. it's kind of whatever though i feel like if i didn't have exams tmrw i could be more zen about it maybe. no rest for the nonwicked i guess. uh but yeah i really did just like stop using discord just now i'm turning off all notifs from it and shit and like woah. i feel like i could just be so clean and free like a bird. talk on here more. mess around on my forum. i dunno. become an online monk?
it's like when your car gets broken into or someone you love dies and it hurts so bad like the whole world crushes you and then you step back and it's just like woah. i'm here. i'm an angel in a human body. let's live and not dwell cause dwelling isn't living, i don't need to squat in that old shit house anymore man. i love you and let's come away from this fresh and covered in our own viscera like deer shedding their horns and sure it might hurt a bit and fuck man i might eat some of that velvet i dunno but like. we're walking over fresh grass and the wind is blowing through our newly born horns and i dunno. we're all pheonixes recursively or something. time to go do fluid dynamics while i listen to my roommates play smash.
actually also fucking wow i did not realize how much i instinctively pop over to that app when im needing to switch gears. holy shit it's so pavlov that's kind of scary. gonna try n find a new app for me n my wife to message on bc i rlly wanna message with her still on my puter not just my phone waa
well yeah. shit really did happen. thanks life. it's kind of whatever though i feel like if i didn't have exams tmrw i could be more zen about it maybe. no rest for the nonwicked i guess. uh but yeah i really did just like stop using discord just now i'm turning off all notifs from it and shit and like woah. i feel like i could just be so clean and free like a bird. talk on here more. mess around on my forum. i dunno. become an online monk?
it's like when your car gets broken into or someone you love dies and it hurts so bad like the whole world crushes you and then you step back and it's just like woah. i'm here. i'm an angel in a human body. let's live and not dwell cause dwelling isn't living, i don't need to squat in that old shit house anymore man. i love you and let's come away from this fresh and covered in our own viscera like deer shedding their horns and sure it might hurt a bit and fuck man i might eat some of that velvet i dunno but like. we're walking over fresh grass and the wind is blowing through our newly born horns and i dunno. we're all pheonixes recursively or something. time to go do fluid dynamics while i listen to my roommates play smash.
actually also fucking wow i did not realize how much i instinctively pop over to that app when im needing to switch gears. holy shit it's so pavlov that's kind of scary. gonna try n find a new app for me n my wife to message on bc i rlly wanna message with her still on my puter not just my phone waa
5.9.2024
shit happened and now i really dont want to use discord again but jesus christ it's really made me realize how inescapable the web is . this sucks man ... like i made a little forum for me n my friends to use which is great its free too (?? no way) but like. yeah. idk. fuck
shit happened and now i really dont want to use discord again but jesus christ it's really made me realize how inescapable the web is . this sucks man ... like i made a little forum for me n my friends to use which is great its free too (?? no way) but like. yeah. idk. fuck
4.27.2024
i feel like i'm very scared all the time now about small life things. i don't know why like. just getting food or existing around people makes me think i'm going to blow up but i think i'd like to try living on my own at some point so i can not worry about it... although that might not fix the problem? then again it's not like exposure is fixing the problem it's just making it worse lowkey lol.
i feel like i'm very scared all the time now about small life things. i don't know why like. just getting food or existing around people makes me think i'm going to blow up but i think i'd like to try living on my own at some point so i can not worry about it... although that might not fix the problem? then again it's not like exposure is fixing the problem it's just making it worse lowkey lol.
3.29.2024
yet again the jester is shunted while the king feasts. or lives, i suppose. i grasp at straws like i always do and take the same damn path i always walk by myself. at some point i won't have the energy to think it'll be different. it's sort of uniquely painful, to be an angel and to love humans so strongly and yet none of them depend on you; that there's always someone else who matters more to them. all of them matter so much to me it can't even fit in my chest. i don't know how people can stand it, maybe it's just being human but it's so so painful.
yet again the jester is shunted while the king feasts. or lives, i suppose. i grasp at straws like i always do and take the same damn path i always walk by myself. at some point i won't have the energy to think it'll be different. it's sort of uniquely painful, to be an angel and to love humans so strongly and yet none of them depend on you; that there's always someone else who matters more to them. all of them matter so much to me it can't even fit in my chest. i don't know how people can stand it, maybe it's just being human but it's so so painful.
3.25.2024
ok follow up i've had this feeling inside me for like a Long Time and i didn't know how to describe it but i think being trans really made it make sense to me. labels and shit are literally just meaningless to me. like i'm a man right and that has meaning just because i'm in a space that cares about men. but like let's say a gay man wants to fuck me (a man). i'm a man to him, but transphobic people think i'm a woman, so who's right? is he still gay? do we see how this literally does not matter. everyone is people... if you wanna have sex, cool. if you don't want to have sex and you don't like it or it just makes you uncomfortable, also cool. if cis people weren't so up in arms about gendering things (like if i lived in china where there's one pronoun for everyone- ta), i don't really think it would matter if i was a man or not, i'm just some guy who likes to look a certain way and has certain body parts. idk maybe that's why it's very hard for me to think about relationship stuff in terms of the attratcion/ split attraction model. like if i get my wife flowers, that's romantic (maybe, i guess). but if i get my friends flowers, is that romantic? no, but if it's my on and off boytoy...maybe? this is literally just cyclic and stupid let's just love everyone we want to love and stop putting things in our way that are gonna seperate us from other people oog.
ok follow up i've had this feeling inside me for like a Long Time and i didn't know how to describe it but i think being trans really made it make sense to me. labels and shit are literally just meaningless to me. like i'm a man right and that has meaning just because i'm in a space that cares about men. but like let's say a gay man wants to fuck me (a man). i'm a man to him, but transphobic people think i'm a woman, so who's right? is he still gay? do we see how this literally does not matter. everyone is people... if you wanna have sex, cool. if you don't want to have sex and you don't like it or it just makes you uncomfortable, also cool. if cis people weren't so up in arms about gendering things (like if i lived in china where there's one pronoun for everyone- ta), i don't really think it would matter if i was a man or not, i'm just some guy who likes to look a certain way and has certain body parts. idk maybe that's why it's very hard for me to think about relationship stuff in terms of the attratcion/ split attraction model. like if i get my wife flowers, that's romantic (maybe, i guess). but if i get my friends flowers, is that romantic? no, but if it's my on and off boytoy...maybe? this is literally just cyclic and stupid let's just love everyone we want to love and stop putting things in our way that are gonna seperate us from other people oog.
3.25.2024
saw a post about how people need to make everything about romance and how that person was thinking it's flattening more complex relationships etc. etc. ... i see it as people don't think we can feel love for people without it being romantic. society has pushed us to believe that the only way we can express truly being connected to something/ someone is to be in a relationship and i don't think that's people's faults for assigning things they see with that deep connection a romantic label, that's just what they've been taught. i love everything very deeply and wholly like i love math the same way i love my wife. all my love comes from the same well like the love i feel for my mom and dad and brother is like the love i feel for the wind on the breeze and the sun on my skin, i'm in tune with all of them and it melds into just a singular love. so i don't disagree that it's reductive to try and assign romantic relationships to everything but most people just don't have the vocabulary to express how they really feel and it just makes me sad for them rather than angry at them, you know?
i think it's also why i have a hard time sometimes thinking about aro/aceness since it's very much centered around like never feeling Love but to me to eat is to love and to breath is to love and to live is to love and i really can't relate to such a smaller definition of the word being assigned to it ... maybe i'm just like way too neurodivergent about word meanings though. idk. i love you aro and ace people never feel like you have to do things that don't fulfill you, find the way that you love the world and are loved back by it, whatever form that takes.
saw a post about how people need to make everything about romance and how that person was thinking it's flattening more complex relationships etc. etc. ... i see it as people don't think we can feel love for people without it being romantic. society has pushed us to believe that the only way we can express truly being connected to something/ someone is to be in a relationship and i don't think that's people's faults for assigning things they see with that deep connection a romantic label, that's just what they've been taught. i love everything very deeply and wholly like i love math the same way i love my wife. all my love comes from the same well like the love i feel for my mom and dad and brother is like the love i feel for the wind on the breeze and the sun on my skin, i'm in tune with all of them and it melds into just a singular love. so i don't disagree that it's reductive to try and assign romantic relationships to everything but most people just don't have the vocabulary to express how they really feel and it just makes me sad for them rather than angry at them, you know?
i think it's also why i have a hard time sometimes thinking about aro/aceness since it's very much centered around like never feeling Love but to me to eat is to love and to breath is to love and to live is to love and i really can't relate to such a smaller definition of the word being assigned to it ... maybe i'm just like way too neurodivergent about word meanings though. idk. i love you aro and ace people never feel like you have to do things that don't fulfill you, find the way that you love the world and are loved back by it, whatever form that takes.
3.17.2024
need to slip into my gojo mindset for my dynamics exam tmrw... haven't had too much of a sexy wild god complex internally and i think i deserve it a little for finals since i've been studying like a mad mage for the past week.5 .... also random, but obsessed with adding .5 to letters like in mechanics of materials i need a point between a and b? a.5 . yeah i said it. who's gonna stop me
need to slip into my gojo mindset for my dynamics exam tmrw... haven't had too much of a sexy wild god complex internally and i think i deserve it a little for finals since i've been studying like a mad mage for the past week.5 .... also random, but obsessed with adding .5 to letters like in mechanics of materials i need a point between a and b? a.5 . yeah i said it. who's gonna stop me
3.12.2024
feels like this every time i want to eat lately
how do you deal with eating problems when it's legitmately not about eating its just about living with people and being perceived bc it's going to kill my spirit if not hurt my body at some point. it's so hard to describe because like my boything will ask what i want to eat in a house that isn't mine and i look around and see nothing but rocks and stones and i say ramen like thats something i can get myself to eat and it's like ok go make it and i'm like. your house is going to see me and i don't know where your pot is and i feel like your stove hates me and my hands are shaking when i open the packet and you comment on how i stir things and the fire is too hot. and how do i say that. how do i say it's not about you but the abscence of other people's support and the hole it made in me.
the reason i liked sanji so much is because he was like me he would never be full and yet he would also make me full does anybody get it
feels like this every time i want to eat lately
how do you deal with eating problems when it's legitmately not about eating its just about living with people and being perceived bc it's going to kill my spirit if not hurt my body at some point. it's so hard to describe because like my boything will ask what i want to eat in a house that isn't mine and i look around and see nothing but rocks and stones and i say ramen like thats something i can get myself to eat and it's like ok go make it and i'm like. your house is going to see me and i don't know where your pot is and i feel like your stove hates me and my hands are shaking when i open the packet and you comment on how i stir things and the fire is too hot. and how do i say that. how do i say it's not about you but the abscence of other people's support and the hole it made in me.
the reason i liked sanji so much is because he was like me he would never be full and yet he would also make me full does anybody get it
3.10.2024
omg im so obsessed with hadestown its . so good. if someone had told me it was like?? a folk opera/ jazz/ bluegrass/ soul i would have been on this shit SO FAST it is so swinging . god i wish i could be in a production of it fuck its so good and the set design too and SIGH. SIGH !!!! THE METAPHORS ITS SOOOOOO GOOD. watching a bootleg of it and man im so glad i decided to try and find one instead of just listening bc it rlly is so so so worth it its so good fuck. go watch it ! ! !
omg im so obsessed with hadestown its . so good. if someone had told me it was like?? a folk opera/ jazz/ bluegrass/ soul i would have been on this shit SO FAST it is so swinging . god i wish i could be in a production of it fuck its so good and the set design too and SIGH. SIGH !!!! THE METAPHORS ITS SOOOOOO GOOD. watching a bootleg of it and man im so glad i decided to try and find one instead of just listening bc it rlly is so so so worth it its so good fuck. go watch it ! ! !
3.2.2024
my wife said she would cook food for me. sniffles and cries
my wife said she would cook food for me. sniffles and cries
3.2.2024
good news i am not a court jester but i do win the spoils of a king. but every day i realize i suck at being a human, i stg they didn't install the proper food protocols over my photosynthesis ones when i went through my humanization process to be a guardian angel. either that or it's trauma but god damn. this shit sucks man i'm gonna have to store emergency soilent in my bag or something i guess.
WAIT IT'S SANJI'S BIRTHDAY? HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL. YOU'RE THE WORST BUT ALSO MY FAVORITE !!!!!!
good news i am not a court jester but i do win the spoils of a king. but every day i realize i suck at being a human, i stg they didn't install the proper food protocols over my photosynthesis ones when i went through my humanization process to be a guardian angel. either that or it's trauma but god damn. this shit sucks man i'm gonna have to store emergency soilent in my bag or something i guess.
WAIT IT'S SANJI'S BIRTHDAY? HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL. YOU'RE THE WORST BUT ALSO MY FAVORITE !!!!!!
2.28.2024
cautiously awkwardly laughably suspicious at a certain boythings movement patterns. what is he cooking..... i've been burned on the stove but i like the pain so i dunno if i'd say no, youknow what i mean (i am but a court jester to a king who ruled certuries ago and is no longer in the public eye).
cautiously awkwardly laughably suspicious at a certain boythings movement patterns. what is he cooking..... i've been burned on the stove but i like the pain so i dunno if i'd say no, youknow what i mean (i am but a court jester to a king who ruled certuries ago and is no longer in the public eye).
2.25.2024
sigh my page is so messy. i really need to do a massive rehaul and link everything properly and top off some of the stuff that i'm not going to use (but yk still looks nice) but grrrr grrrr youknow. feels like i don't have time (i do) (i spend it working on yitaiwang or on the dynamics i should be doing right now) (i'm not doing them oops)
sigh my page is so messy. i really need to do a massive rehaul and link everything properly and top off some of the stuff that i'm not going to use (but yk still looks nice) but grrrr grrrr youknow. feels like i don't have time (i do) (i spend it working on yitaiwang or on the dynamics i should be doing right now) (i'm not doing them oops)
12.20.2023
smashing my head in bc the universe is trying to get me to lose so much hope in so much (everything) and im just so tired. i can't keep doing it. no one else hopes. how are u supposed to make it through as a human. you all are miserable all the time. what do you do about it.
smashing my head in bc the universe is trying to get me to lose so much hope in so much (everything) and im just so tired. i can't keep doing it. no one else hopes. how are u supposed to make it through as a human. you all are miserable all the time. what do you do about it.
12.12.2023
tunshi is rusting and aching and crumbling before my eyes. how the golden fall; it's iredeemably painful for me to watch, but there's nothing i can do. i live with a steel brush and polish under my sink, just in case, but he runs in the rain to catch a sheath that doesn't fit. the oddities of the human condition truly befall us all, the cyclic dance is ironic. but hey, at least i'm not churning myself unto a thin paste in a mortar and pestle engraved with a name that i'll speak in a vow. it really is so human to crush yourself under a force that will never acknowledge you.
tunshi is rusting and aching and crumbling before my eyes. how the golden fall; it's iredeemably painful for me to watch, but there's nothing i can do. i live with a steel brush and polish under my sink, just in case, but he runs in the rain to catch a sheath that doesn't fit. the oddities of the human condition truly befall us all, the cyclic dance is ironic. but hey, at least i'm not churning myself unto a thin paste in a mortar and pestle engraved with a name that i'll speak in a vow. it really is so human to crush yourself under a force that will never acknowledge you.
12.11.2023
what if there was one wavelength where eveyr time a human died we produced a noise on that wavelength that could be heard anywhere in the universe . but we just havent found it yet .... ? and then theres also one for flies too i guess
what if there was one wavelength where eveyr time a human died we produced a noise on that wavelength that could be heard anywhere in the universe . but we just havent found it yet .... ? and then theres also one for flies too i guess
12.10.2023
considering posting my different beams for frameworks for each course I take. not hard & fast rules but it would also help keep me accountable with keeping track of all the beams haha.
considering posting my different beams for frameworks for each course I take. not hard & fast rules but it would also help keep me accountable with keeping track of all the beams haha.
11.18.2023
i wanted to make this a seperate piece instead of putting it in the anthology, but i'm not quite sure why. maybe i still don't want to tarnish the sanctity of that simple, beautiful cathedral.
i had a seeing off ceremony for tunshi yesterday. it's hard to acknowledge that the man you loved doesn't exist anymore. humans are strange and warped and sometimes they grow worse instead of getting better. i wanted to be a supporting pole, so that his trunk could grow correctly, but nothing but himself could stop his ascent.
i wanted to make this a seperate piece instead of putting it in the anthology, but i'm not quite sure why. maybe i still don't want to tarnish the sanctity of that simple, beautiful cathedral.
i had a seeing off ceremony for tunshi yesterday. it's hard to acknowledge that the man you loved doesn't exist anymore. humans are strange and warped and sometimes they grow worse instead of getting better. i wanted to be a supporting pole, so that his trunk could grow correctly, but nothing but himself could stop his ascent.
11.11.2023
i ache. terribly. i miss acting. i miss my wife. i want to press my tongue to someone's throat and feel their words through their skin. do you understand? people don't seem to.
i ache. terribly. i miss acting. i miss my wife. i want to press my tongue to someone's throat and feel their words through their skin. do you understand? people don't seem to.
10.8.2023 being an engineer with ultra tism or being an angel engineer is so hard because i need to rant about how people will praise standards and clarity and conciseness and detail and then turn around and spit it all of those concepts faces by forcing you to assume things constantly. the idea of dimensioning is that there is only one interpretation of the part (we have to correct dimensions for homework). i know nothing about this part. sure, i could dimension this ledge from the datum but what if it needs to be aligned with another part that lines up with a hole? and that's why they put that dimension there? and for datums, we're supposed to """"pick the largest surface area"""" but that's not even right all the time and is that surface area defined by its length in the view normal to it or the surface area of the whole actual face it represents?
my data analysis lab professor literally commented "this is why we have to make a very reasonable assumption..." full stop. don't talk anymore. you've just lost all your credibility to me. you just said we need to make an assumption in the "dont make assumptions" class. it makes me feel insane and no one else sees it, what the hell. if me with all my gojo Six Eyes detail aware powers can't bunny hop over the canyon of the assumption that you just made that we've Never discussed in class and seems like a very unreasonable assumption based off of how the lecture treats taking measurements, then i doubt anyone else is going to get it either. maybe im just too crazy though or i care too much what the fuck ever man.
my data analysis lab professor literally commented "this is why we have to make a very reasonable assumption..." full stop. don't talk anymore. you've just lost all your credibility to me. you just said we need to make an assumption in the "dont make assumptions" class. it makes me feel insane and no one else sees it, what the hell. if me with all my gojo Six Eyes detail aware powers can't bunny hop over the canyon of the assumption that you just made that we've Never discussed in class and seems like a very unreasonable assumption based off of how the lecture treats taking measurements, then i doubt anyone else is going to get it either. maybe im just too crazy though or i care too much what the fuck ever man.
10.6.2023 man im like. really depressed. i just feel like nothing i do gets seen by anyone or cared about at all and that all the effort i put in doesn't amount to anything. actually have never felt this bad in a long time or that i can remember. sigh.
9.29.2023 went to a table read and instantly clicked back into it. reading a super fun + enticing show called "an invitation out," like earnest but vr. loved it :o) really pulled me out of everything for a bit, which i needed very much. the guy who played wridget (colin. just saying so i don't forget) and i had good chemistry, i'd like to think. would love to end up doing this one on stage and ill probably be addicted to going back to readings every week heh.
9.29.2023 i dunno why i thought this one thing would work out. i guess i just don't really think about that stuff because i just hope too much. curse of an angel. i wish people wanted me though.
9.12.2023 wow im talky today anyway one of my favorite comments from when i just started reading OP was (to my brother) "so when does usopp eat a devil fruit" . this will never happen .
9.12.2023 god it would be so sick to design a shichibukai who's based around the face changing ceremony .... maybe one day teehee
9.12.2023 in an interesting way, t is very much a drug for my mind as well as my body. i've always struggled with feeling all emotions very strongly so negative ones were so incredibly hard to make it through, but t dampens them in a very useful and gentle way. i still feel the highs just as high, if not higher as well. surprisingly (or maybe not surprisngly) arousal is also different, it fuzzes out and clouds my mind in such a fascinating way now. thanks t i loveyou :o)
9.11.2023 i need to remember to learn to waltz. parties are so boring to me but i really want to host a ball/ soiree at some point with dancing and very formal polite vibes ^_^ just randomly crossed my mind.
9.10.2023 latest treat is to let myself watch OP anime eps skipping to all the sanji parts when i get something done well with work. this shit rules actually he's so close 2 my wife im obsessed with him . anyway hi yes im normal (not normal)
9.9.2023 insane about one piece now .... might make a sanji shrine LOL he's . he's so me and also my girlwife he would get so pegged ok no one gets him like me...
like a good angel i am also insane about zosan obviously (also sanzo . side note once i realized what the order of ship names meant i cannot get it out of my head). i need to draw zoro taking care of sanji after him getting fucked up in fights bc that blonde mfer canonically breaks bones like every fight and goes in hella underleveled sometimes so. cmon i know zoro gets beat up a lot too and its cute for sanji to be all like omgeeee mr. strongman you dumb bitch BUT . zoro being sweet? sanji is already pathetic it's perfect.
like a good angel i am also insane about zosan obviously (also sanzo . side note once i realized what the order of ship names meant i cannot get it out of my head). i need to draw zoro taking care of sanji after him getting fucked up in fights bc that blonde mfer canonically breaks bones like every fight and goes in hella underleveled sometimes so. cmon i know zoro gets beat up a lot too and its cute for sanji to be all like omgeeee mr. strongman you dumb bitch BUT . zoro being sweet? sanji is already pathetic it's perfect.
9.4.2023 lots been going on the past few days. bricked phone meant i lost all my first year college photos. riding the waves up and down with my lover, capsizing, washing ashore. i'm struck by a simple image though.
been strangely attuned to the idea of screenprinting lately. thinking about spending golden hours in a studio with large open windows, doing a print run. then, hands covered in dried inks, kissing my wife at sunset. angelhood is a strange drug.
been strangely attuned to the idea of screenprinting lately. thinking about spending golden hours in a studio with large open windows, doing a print run. then, hands covered in dried inks, kissing my wife at sunset. angelhood is a strange drug.
8.29.2023 why am i genuinely narratively doomed to lose all my lovers because of loving too much. dear god. how does this happen every damn time. i really thought i broke the cycle man. im not like ... i'm not lost forever but it's just i can't catch a break huh.
this one was. a personal favorite of mine too. fuck. we were so deliciously paralleled with gojo and geto and he's just i. i haven;t cried as hard as i did in a long time.
this one was. a personal favorite of mine too. fuck. we were so deliciously paralleled with gojo and geto and he's just i. i haven;t cried as hard as i did in a long time.
8.27.2023 this is just gonna be my personal twitter tbh. i've been reading birds of maine lately and it is such a gorgeous book. super inspiring to me brainwise ^_^
8.26.2023 man vtubers are like. so wild i can't believe i'm technically a part of that community sometimes argh... no real shade to anyone, do what u wanna do but like... it is the most stagnant creative space i think i've ever been a part of... so many people who aren't finding what they actually wanna do before they start making content and also so many people being un genuine. anyway i meow irl so this makes me morally win as a vtuber or something
8.25.2023 i watch so many artist's shop updates/vlogs and i love them all but every single time someone uses resin i do cringe into my soul. holy shit it is the least safe thing i've ever seen people consistently do LOL. when my shop opens. you have the blessing of knowing that i am not going to misuse resin ^3^
8.24.2023 im watching this one artist's video and they keep talking about "creative risks" and like. i think people have forgotten the word for exploration and curiousity OMEGALUL
stability to me is like. are you peaceful, are you calm, do you feel safe, do you know how to find happiness easily, can you get a hug every day, things like that. and creative stability to me is like... can you make art when you want to, without outside forces stopping you?
a creative RISK to me is like. i need to spend $2000 to produce this plush and im not sure if people are going to buy it. or like... i'm going to quit my day job and become an artist. stuff that is a legitimate risk yk like it's a gamble you're taking.
what i think this person is talking abotu is actually just curiousity + exploration, and what they experienced before wasn't Stability, it was stagnation. we all stagnate from time to time, it's very normal. but sometimes you gotta pour that standing bucket of water into a new place and put some fish in it and mix in fresh water and rainwater and then bam you're not stagnant anymore.
i very much dislike the culture of saying that "stress" and "risk" are good things. that is incorrect. those words have negative connotations; stress is an ever present part to life, but it's not something you want to seek out, it's what comes with being passionate about something. risk is pretty much the same, there are going to be risks when you explore, but it's not the risk you're searchng for, it's the exploration itself you focus on.
maybe i'm just way too into words n stuff but. yeah things like this really get me because it's like... you're almost redefining that word at this point LOL
ps. i feel like there are two kinds of exploration as well. there's that general exploration, trying new media or techniques but there's also theme exploration... i find it very lonely to be creating things the way i do because there's almost no one i know who's making art that's metaphor and abstract and about themes n stuff but i really wish more people would try it because it is Mega eye opening truly.